What do you do when you realize that your goals need to change?
Did you NOT achieve your goal and are you feeling like a failure? Wondering what to do when your goals change? Here are the 8 stages you go through when you realize your goals need to change. #mindfulness #success #goalsetting
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately… as the sting of not achieving a goal is fresh in my mind.
First, you feel gutted, like a part of your soul is drifting away from you.
This dream, this beautiful place you’re trying to reach remains out of grasp. And you feel locked out in the cold.
Then you wonder, where did things go wrong?
How did I get here? Why did I let this happen to me?
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The reality of it is, that sometimes the road to achieving your dreams and goal isn’t an easy one. It doesn’t go the way you planned. There are challenges, there are obstacles and sometimes along the way things change.
Your goal changes, your perspective on achieving it shifts and in those moments you have to accept reality.
Sometimes it’s not a question of should I follow my dreams or be realistic, but a question of is it time to walk away from this goal.
If you’re faced with this heart-breaking decision, here’s how to accept that it’s time to change your goal. Don’t worry, it’s not all bad, there’s still hope for a happy future for you, if you’re brave enough to make the changes you need.
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8 Steps to Accepting When Your Goals Change
There are many times in our lives where our goals can change or adapt due to unforeseen circumstances, outside factors, or even our passions and hobbies can ebb and flow. However, when you’ve had a particular goal in mind for years it can be hard to accept that change.
If you had asked me two years ago where I would be today I would have said Los Angeles, working on my dream to be a television writer. There would have been no pause for reflection or doubt in my voice. That is exactly what my husband and I attempted in February of this year. We picked up our lives, careers, and our English Bulldog and moved to Los Angeles from Kansas City. Once there we were excited about the future and the possibilities that laid in front of us.
However, things do not always go as you plan.
We ended up being a one income household in one of the most expensive cities in the country. It wasn’t long before we started to realize that we hadn’t planned as well as we thought. I felt confident in my research and planning that any surprises that did come our way we would be prepared. That is when I first started to realize that my goals would have to adjust.
Here are the eight stages you go through when you realize that you need to change your goals. Like most things in life that might be difficult, this starts with acceptance.
#1. Acceptance
When you have the same goals for years it is easy to give into the stubbornness, to dig in your heels and say they’re never going to change. In our first few months in a brand new city, our refrigerator broke, our computer crashed, our car broke down, and we owed more money on our taxes than we ever had in the past. It felt like all the planning I had done, all of the money we had saved meant nothing at this point.
My husband and I began discussing moving back to Kansas City because at least there we would have friends and family to help us through this difficult time. I had to accept that my goals were changing and shift my focus on the short term rather than the long term.
#2. Adjust Your Focus
Anyone who has an intense concentration on their goals can tell you that at times they fall prey to tunnel vision. Your goals can cloud your decision making so that the only thing you take into consideration is how your choice will impact you achieving those goals. I had to clear my vision and refocus my attention on other ways to accomplish my dreams besides living in California.
It is important to be open to accomplishing those goals in different ways than you first thought possible.
- Maybe your first painting doesn’t sell online, but at an art show that you weren’t even going to attend.
- Maybe your first viral blog post is the one that you spent the least amount of time on.
- Maybe you fail out of school only to land your dream job years later without the degree you thought you needed.
However, if you continue to have tunnel vision and aren’t willing accept other avenues of success you might miss your chance at the success you always wanted. The truth is sometimes your dreams change and sometimes how you arrive at them surprises you.
👉🏽 RELATED POST: How to NOT Fall Apart When Pursuing Your Dream
#3. It’s OK to Retreat
When you have been planning and dreaming for a single goal as long as I had been it was devastating to think that I was going to experience a hefty setback.
We’ve been taught that standing still is really taking three steps backward, so the idea of purposefully taking a step back was terrifying to me. However, for the sake of our family, we needed to move back to Kansas City and regroup.
#4. Shake off the Shame
Unfortunately, we live in a society that focuses intently on our successes. Look at anyone’s Instagram or Facebook where they focus on touting their accomplishments and hiding their failures. However, you must remember that in the real world people have setbacks all the time.
Shake it off, get up and change your direction, this isn’t the end.
There are famous accounts of people succeeding after failing. Bill Gates’ first company crumbled, Walt Disney was told he lacked creativity, Steve Jobs was booted from his own company, etc. There’s no reason to feel shame when admitting that your attempt missed the mark.
👉🏽 RELATED POST: 45 Uplifting Quotes for When You Feel Like Giving Up
#5. Give Yourself Time to Regroup
When we first made the decision to move back to Kansas City I cried for about three days straight. It wasn’t because I loved California that much, but because I felt like I had failed not only myself but my friends and family. I thought they would be disappointed in me, or that I would hear the inevitable, “I told you so.”
Give yourself a few days to regroup – meaning don’t think about the new goals, don’t dwell on the old ones you didn’t accomplish, simply give yourself time to breathe. When you spend so much of your life planning for something that doesn’t go the way that you projected it can feel like a friend of yours just died. It becomes a part of who you are, what you talk about, think about, and plan your life around.
When you have to suddenly move on in your life without that constant nag in the back of your head it can feel like a part of yourself has died. You need a mourning period. Take the time to let your mind adapt to not having those goals always at the back of your mind.
#6. Define Your New Goals
The first thing I had to do was find out if my ultimate goal, becoming a Television Writer was what I still was going to set out to do. Take time to reflect, and determine which should actually change: your goals or just the way you go about achieving those goals.
I figured out that really my ultimate goal was that I wanted to have a career as a writer. In the end, it doesn’t matter to me if what I write is on Television, online, or in a book. As long as I’m writing and building a career and portfolio from my writings, I’m a happy happy girl.
#7. Create a New To-Do List
Once I discovered that it no longer mattered to me what type of writing I was doing it opened me up to a whole new set of opportunities. Except now the problem was that my vision was too wide. I needed to focus down what I actually needed to do next to set me on the right path to my goals.
For example, I’ve had a novel that I have been working on, or ignoring (depending on how you look at it), for the last two years. The first thing I did was give myself a reasonable date to complete the first rough draft.
👉🏽 RELATED POST: How to Crush Your To-Do List
The last thing that I looked at was how I could continue to write scripts and hone my storytelling ability while living in Kansas City. I did research about the different theaters, their festivals and different ways to become an established playwright.
Of course, there are many more steps to accomplish before achieving even one of these separate goals. In the meantime, I have my to-do list on my phone and posted in my home so that I can be reminded daily of what I am working so hard to achieve now.
#8. Get to Work
At this point, it is time to stop dwelling on what could have been and focus instead on what will be. It is time to stop thinking about how you failed and concentrate on how you will succeed. Start by crossing off realistic goals from your to-do list:
- Create a new piece of artwork
- Write three blog posts
- Gain 50 new followers
Whatever those small goals might be it’s time to set your sights on them and celebrate when you are able to cross one off. It’s the small victories that keep us propelling forward. If you never allow yourself to pat yourself on the back after accomplishing even a small goal, then it will forever feel like you’re failing.
However, don’t be afraid to share with others when you fail or misstep. We learn from each other’s goal setting mistakes, and sometimes it takes a community to remind you that stumbling is never the end, it’s just a part of the process and adventure.
Since moving back to Kansas City I am still unboxing our belongings and trying to get back into a routine. There are moments where it almost feels like the last seven months never happened, but I know that’s not true, or else I wouldn’t be as excited about the future as I am now. Every person that I have seen has told me how happy they are to have us home, and I couldn’t agree with them more.
When you fail to reach your goals you go through all the stages of grief, to finally (hopefully not too long) at acceptance.
Changing goals, shifting priorities and even new dreams is a natural part of the process.
That’s just how it is! Rarely if ever does someone achieve their original goal as they conceived it?
Life always has other plans, your goals will change over time and that can be a good thing.
Do you need to change your goals?
More About Guest Contributor
My husband and I recently moved across the country from Kansas City to Los Angeles in the pursuit of those starry lights, more specifically television. I’ve always wanted to be a television writer, but now that we are here it doesn’t seem as important as I miss my family and friends. So each day is about deciding where we are headed and if this is the right place for us.
Last Updated on July 11, 2021
Kristi McAllister says
I have to tell you that I needed to read this today. Recently, I had a goal allll planned out…and guess what?! It changed. Not only that, it threw me for a major loop. Now that I’m refocused, I can shift things around to my liking again. Thanks for the reminder to always go with the flow!
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Kristi,
So glad that you found this post just at the right time. I know from painful experience that it’s HARDDD to accept when your goals need to change. Especially, when you’ve planned it all out. You got this! Roll with the changes.
Cat Uy says
acceptance of an change goal is hardest to do. i really appreciate how you put into words the process of moving on the next goal.
Fatima Torres says
It’s refreshing to see that you’ve shared how it’s okay to retreat. A lot of the times you hear the opposite — even from well-known folks. You can always start fresh, and that’s the best mentality to have.
fashionandstylepolice says
I love this post. Adjusting your focus is a great tip. Many people struggle to do that.
Nadalie Bardo says
We all struggle with it! At least I know that I do. 😉
Heather McMechan says
I like how you’ve mentioned how important it is to set up new goals. Sometimes the goals you’ve set up before for yourself aren’t attainable.
Nadalie Bardo says
Don’t I know it! I don’t know about your Heather, but sometimes I set a goal and then a few months later (after struggling of course), I’m just like WHAT was I thinking! Time to change it up.
Evelyn says
Great post👍🏼 Number four is particularly interesting because we all feel it and no one wants to talk about it. Let’s remember that some of the best things in life are accidents and redirection is always a blessing.
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Evelyn,
Right! We all feel it when we don’t meet our goals. There’s no shame in trying, and certainly even less is admitting we need to try another way.
Shilpa Bindlish says
Mind blowing article. What I liked the most is #4. Many a times we need courage to let go that feeling of shame to progress.
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Shilpa,
Yay for minding blowing articles! I so agree with you, this is a spectacular guest post. We must be brave and just accept that we have to change our goals. It’s all part of the process after all.
Alexandria says
Sometimes accepting it is the hardest part, but after that step, it gets easier for me.
kathleen says
you seriously have the best qoutes! very inspiring 🙂
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Kathleen,
Haha thanks, I won’t lie, I want to be KNOWN for inspiring quotes, even for less than inspiring things like having to change your goals.
Kate Andrews says
This is everything. I’ve recently gone through a change of goals and went through everything you mentioned here. I am so glad you posted this.
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Kate,
<3 I'm glad too! Sometimes we just need to know we're not the only one going through something.
Annick says
Very interesting and insightful article! Often times, it’s tough for me to see the difference between a failure and a simple change in my goals. I’d say acceptance is probably the toughest part of it all! Number 4 is also a crucial part of the whole process I think! Thank you for putting all this together and sharing! 🙂
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Annick,
So glad you enjoyed this post! It can be hard, but failure is part of the process. We can’t let it discourage us, it’s simply an invitation to try again.
tachira wiltshire says
I prefer to look at it as not a failure but a learning experience. Not achieving a goal can sometimes feel like a literal gut punch. In life you have learn to be flexible and release and adjust and adapt. This is an excellent article as usual. I am learning how to let go of my attachment to certain outcomes. Life is after all all about change. No shame in falling down the goal is to get back up again no matter how you achieve that.
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey,
That’s the best way to look at it, because it isn’t a failure. Even if it is, failure is a good thing. It helps us recalibrate ourselves, changing our goals is just part of the reprogramming. You’re so right, no shame in it at all!
Blair Villanueva says
Sometimes things go to other way and we don’t expect it. Rather become frustrated, try to become flexible on changes. Just like weather. If you master the art of being resilient, you will survive on this race.
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Blair,
It’s so true, we never know how things will go. Sometimes they exceed our expectations but more often than not we end up somewhere we couldn’t forsee. Resilience is key! Gotta keep going!
DD's blog says
Excellent and interesting post. I like the most tips # 4 and # 5. I like your blog concept and attitude about different topics.
Nadalie Bardo says
Thanks so much for the blog love! So appreciate you visiting.
Luna S says
Great post, not being able to get where you want fast enough or even at all can be pretty stressful so it is good to reset sometimes and there are a lot of good points here.
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Luna,
Thanks for the blog post love. Goodness, achieving your goals really can be stressful. We just gotta take it easy on ourselves when things change and don’t go according to plan.
Eraeholland says
This is great! My goals have definitely evolved just from last year, so this was very motivating for me thank you!
Nadalie Bardo says
Glad to help get you motivated!
Jew Chick says
Your post reminds me of the popular Yiddish proverb “Man plans and God laughs”! Great tips!!
Nadalie Bardo says
Hahah, that’s quite right! Plans are for breaking and changing.
Maddy says
Such a good reminder to not get too down when our needs and priorities change. Doesn’t mean we have failed, just changed directions!
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Maddy,
We can be so mean to ourselves when we don’t meet our goals. We’re doing the best we can, and sometimes we’re really off when we make plans and set goals.
Brittany says
My goals are constantly changing. And lately I’ve been having such a hard time with it lately. I’m really going to be mindful and just accept things as they change! This is great motivation for me!
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Brittany,
Mine too! We’ve just got to let go and go with the flow with our goals. It’s not set in stone. But I hear ya, it’s hard to be okay with that.
Ingrid says
Some good advice were offered in this blog post. We all have to make adjustments when we fail at accomplishing our goals or complete what we set out to do. Sometimes, however, failure is the other side of success . It is a matter of perspective. Sometimes this change in goals is just what we need at a particular juncture in our lives. Maybe failure at this point is pointing us in the direction in which we should go.
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Ingrid,
I’m so glad you’ve found it helpful. That’s exactly it, we just have to adjust and make changes as we go. We’re not psychics, things will not go 100% according to plan, no matter how great we are at planning.
You’re so right, I think it does point us where we need to be!
Nickle says
Great advice! I’ve only recently started setting goals. I’m not an achiever, I’m more of a go with the flow kind of person. Failing my goals is a normal occurance in my life and I would just re-adjust my goals and try the failed goal at another time. It’s great to find an article where someone put my thoughts into words. Your list is exactly what I’ve been doing since I started making goals. ☺
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Nickle,
It’s so great to be able to be both, go with the flow, yet also have our eye on something we want. As much I am all about the goal setting, I’m not very rigid when it comes to how I go about achieving them.
Love that, you’re a pro at accepting change!
Elizabeth O says
This was an interesting post to read with some really great advice in. I think everyone experiences changes in their goals like this so it is handy to have this post to refer back to.
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Elizabeth,
It’s true, we all go through it. I find that hearing or reading someone else’s experience helps me accept and move on from my own. Cheers to goals changing!
Dana says
This is a great post to ponder. I love that article . It shows how we are being formed in our daily living.
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Dana,
It’s all a journey and a process, and so true – day by day we get there!
Emman Damian says
I really want to slay my goals this year. I sometimes adjust my goals depending on the circumstances. I’m really realistic and I make things happen since I’m very flexible.
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Emman,
YES, I’m right there with you. When I’m more flexible with how my goals turn out, I’m open to more success.
Brenda Nicholson says
This is the article I’ve needed to read! Thank you. I can’t say it enough. Seriously, thank you. I’ve been mourning my failed goal – creating a successful blog – and I just can’t think of never writing again.
I’ve worn out 2 pens in the last few days journaling! You’ve given me hope that something better is out there and you’ve given me tools to find it. Thank you again.
It's All You Boo says
Hey Brenda,
I’m so happy that you’ve come across this blog. Knowing how to accept when your goals change is very important in our growth as human beings. Failed goal means it’s time to set up a new goal. Thanks for reading and best of luck on your journey towards success!