Are you tired of keeping up with the Joneses?
Do you need to stop pretending like you’re a Kardashian on Instagram? Because you ain’t. (Sorry, not sorry).
In the age of social media, having “followers” and getting “likes” are measures of your success; posting filtered pictures with edited text, we project an image of happiness for the world to see, but it’s not a complete picture.
It’s easy to see how more and more social media influencers are living a life on display, spending what they don’t have, to appear as if they do.
But what about you? Are you trying to keep up with the yearly vacations, the new cars, the home renovations and fashionable wardrobes you see on display?
Immersed in these highlights of other people’s lives, it’s hard not to wonder why yours doesn’t look that way, but the truth is that no one does.
Once we realize what’s behind the curtain, it’s a little easier to let go of envy and focus on what you have instead of “Keeping up with the Joneses,” or perhaps for some the Kardashians.
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Who Are “The Joneses”?
While the actual name comes from an old comic strip, the idea is universal; it’s your fictional neighbor with more money and nicer things than you that you’re constantly trying to keep up with.
It’s your peer group – whether it be your college friends, your coworkers or your social circle, the “Joneses” are the people that have the success you wish you had.
Whether it looks, possessions, career or money that you envy, these people have something you don’t, and you’re willing to spend money you don’t have to obtain it.
Your friend invited you on an expensive trip but you don’t want to admit that you can’t afford it, so you go anyway; you see your classmates doing well and you wonder why you’re so behind; the idea presents itself in different ways, but we’ve all fallen prey to it in some way.
Why Do We Care About Keeping Up?
It’s human nature to want to compare yourself to others, and with constant glimpses into the lives of others via social media, it’s become easier than ever to do just that. There’s an intangible but very real social pressure to be “successful,” but success means something different to everyone.
Whether your weakness is weekend brunches or the latest technology, all of us have succumbed to this social pressure in some way; buying things we don’t need to maintain a certain standard of “success”.
The problem for all of us on a budget is that this mindset is holding us back from achieving our financial goals.
If you’re spending money you don’t have to keep up with your friends, you’re essentially stealing from yourself – that was money that could have gone towards paying down your debt so that you can actually afford that lifestyle in the future.
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We all want what we don’t have, but the dirty little secret is that the Joneses likely can’t afford those nice things either; according to recent studies, over 125 million Americans carry credit card debt, totaling over $504 billion as of 2017.
Your friends across the street might have a new car in their driveway, but it’s unlikely that they actually “own” it in the truest sense of the word.
While debt has become “normal” in our society, what it means is actually something very bizarre – the idea that we are paying someone else interest for fronting us the money to buy something is a strange concept when you actually stop to think about it.
Why pay extra for something I want now, instead of just waiting until I have the money to pay for it myself? The answer is instant gratification; being patient is hard, but I would argue that a mountain of debt is harder.
Breaking the Cycle of Trying to Keep Up
While it’s easy to get caught in the cycle of buying things you can’t afford to impress other people, the only way to live like those people can’t is to STOP. Stop trying to keep up, and instead spend your money getting out of debt, so that you can truly afford the life you lead and plan for a future where the money isn’t holding you back.
Rather than thinking of what other people “have”, ask yourself whether you want their payments & debt… the answer is probably a resounding “no”. I find that as soon as I hear someone else’s problems, I would gladly choose to keep my own.
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Outwardly, most people like to have the appearance of success, but many of those same people are facing mountains of debt to maintain that image.
The new cars and clothes are a source of instant gratification, but also a source of lasting stress. The payments pile up, the stress seeps into other areas of your life, and before you know it you’re surrounded by stuff that is no longer new and shiny, but you’re still left paying for it.
Reality Hurts for the Joneses Too
It can be hard to cut yourself off from the luxuries you’ve come to take for granted, but the alternative is continuing to spend your hard-earned money paying someone else interest.
Every day you carry a balance is more money going to lenders, and less money in your pocket to spend as you wish. So now for the harsh truth…
Ladies, if you have credit card debt, I’m sorry but you can’t afford to get your nails done.
Guys, if you’re paying off your car, I’m sorry but should you really be buying that new video game console?
The harsh truth is that if you are in debt, you simply can’t afford to spend money on luxuries if you ever want to get ahead. In our “treat yo’self” society we’re taught that you deserve these things, but the reality is that deserving something has absolutely nothing to do with being able to afford it.
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Things You Can Live Without
I’ve found that the idea of changing your lifestyle is often harder than reality. Obviously giving up your morning coffee (without which you can’t function as a human being) seems impossible, but consider giving up some less vital conveniences first and you’ll be surprised at how easy it is to live without a few of them.
#1. Cable TV
It’s amazing how much we don’t miss it. With so many cheap streaming services available, most people like watching their shows without commercials anyway. It’s also had a nice side effect, which is that we watch less TV and get outside more!
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#2. Subscriptions
Magazines, clothing, wine, etc. – these are luxury items. While the convenience factor is nice, anything you actually need can be purchased at a store when it’s needed, instead of arriving at your door (and winding up forgotten in a closet somewhere).
#3. Services
This covers everything from getting your nails done to having your car detailed. Ask yourself what’s really necessary – do you need to pay salon prices for a mani/pedi? Try doing your nails at home instead! Do you own a sponge and a bucket? Wait for a nice day and wash your car yourself!
BONUS: Doing these things on your own often causes you to treat your possessions (and yourself) with more care – instead of complaining about a chipped nail or a missed spot, you’ll find yourself taking pride in the work you’ve done yourself!
#4. Travel
While some travel can’t be avoided, vacationing outside your budget is a quick and easy way to dig yourself further into debt. A budget for your trip and figure out what you can (and can’t) afford; a tropical getaway might sound nice, but a budget-friendly camping trip is often just as rejuvenating, and doesn’t break the bank. Or better yet have a staycation that feels like a vacation!
#5. Eating Out
This one is my own personal downfall and one I am still working on, but it’s still improved tenfold over what it used to be. Going out every now and then should be a treat to celebrate a special occasion, but eating out constantly cheapens the excitement of it.
Most people don’t realize how much they spend each month eating out, so I encourage you to track it for the next month – I promise you’ll be shocked.
Since eating out has been tricky for me to give up, I remind myself that this isn’t an exercise in self-denial, but a practice in self-control. I still partake in the occasional happy hour, but I limit myself to the happy hour menu and one drink. My husband and I still order take out occasionally, but we keep it within reason and plan more of our meals at home.
Once you commit to meal planning, it’s really not difficult to start eating healthy when you’re busy!
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Remind yourself that this is about progress over perfection! You don’t have to cut yourself off entirely, but make choices with your future in mind!
Once you’ve started paring down the unnecessary conveniences in your life, the next step is to keep track of everything you’re saving and put that money towards your debt. Saving $120 on the cable bill only to spend it on a new phone would be a waste – this only works if you’re putting the money you’re saving towards your debt!
***HINT: Another great place to look for savings is in your monthly bills; go through each of them and call around for comparisons. Many times if you talk to your current company to tell them you’re thinking of switching, they’ll work with you to lower your payments (and if not, go for the cheaper option!) – even a few dollars a month adds up over time!
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The Bottom Line
In the age of social media, we are immersed in the highlights of other people’s lives; we see their perfect photos and think we’re somehow lacking when our life doesn’t measure up.
Remind yourself that these are indeed highlights, and behind the scenes, it’s often a different story.
Instead of comparing yourself to others, take a look at your own life and remember what you’re grateful for.
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Cutting back on your expenses can be tough! So, rather than seeing it as giving things up, try to keep in mind that you’re bringing it back to basics. That way you can live the life you want for yourself and your family.
The temptation to give in to instant gratification is powerful, but you’re worth more than that, and so is your future!
Are you over keeping up with the Joneses?
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Last Updated on November 3, 2024
Mane says
This is all true! If we want to be rich we must live out of debt.
Lauren says
You said it! Freedom from debt is a gift in itself!
Teresa says
I have to say that I am really good about not caring what other people do or say or wear or where they go. If anything, I’m too unaware of what is going on! ☺ I’m always the last one to know anything, it’s sort of hilarious! I guess
Lauren says
You’re ahead of the game then Teresa! It’s a rare quality these days, cheers to you for living your own best life!
Michelle says
Really great post, everyone needs to read this.
Lauren says
Thanks Michelle! 😀 I’m so glad you enjoyed it!
Jenn says
This is a GREAT article. I personally fall victim to eating out and services. I think if I planned things better, my wallet would be a little happier !
Lauren says
Eating out is the hardest one for me! I find that going out just a little less often does make me enjoy the experience that much more 🙂
Jenn says
So true. I feel like we need to really have a heart to heart daily about priorities in order to be able to stay the course and not get distracted by what everyone else is doing.
Lauren says
I love that idea! When I wake up on the wrong side of the bed I force myself to name 3 things I’m grateful for, but that’s probably a good practice for every day!
Gloria Harvley says
I’ve learned to never believe what photos say on other’s social media account. The hubby and I work hard to pay off our debts and we don’t use cable, we use Netflix! Eating out is our biggest thing but we limit ourselves to once a month going for a sushi run 🙂
Lauren says
Netflix for the win! I honestly thought we’d miss cable more but I find that I get annoyed by commercials now, so I’ll stick to my binge-watching!
Joely Smith says
I don’t know if I was ever concerned with what others were doing or what they had. My interests have always been my own. With that said you lay out some real important eye-opening discussion! Great article!
Lauren says
Thanks Joely, and cheers to you for being ahead of the game!
karolina says
I agree! being a minimalist myself I can let myself have what I want – at least from time to time because I don’t clutter my home with unnecessary stuff. It saves both space and money, so I can afford things that are really good quality and that I love – and they last longer, too:)
Lauren says
I’m finding more and more that minimalism and working toward debt freedom go hand in hand! I finally read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up this year and it’s been a game changer for me!
Prerna Garg says
These are some true and hard-hitting facts. When everyone’s life is put on display at the touch of a finger, people are bound to get into the rat race. What matters is how soon can we take a step back and see that there is always more to what meets the eye.
Lauren says
So true! I try to remember that behind each photo is a real person with their own set of dreams and struggles; it helps me to zoom out and realize that the only person I can compare myself to is me!
Monica Y says
I do agree that appearances are not important and we should live our lives without pretending we are who we are not.
We do not have cable and some of the things other people consider necessary.
I do not totally agree about travel. I think travel provides you with experiences that are invaluable, however, travel does not have to be expensive. Even just a camping trip??
Lauren says
I’m totally with you! We still travel pretty frequently, our latest trip was a camping adventure in Yosemite and it was an absolute blast! I’m definitely in favor of continuing to live your life, while avoiding the costly vacations that can set you back in the long run 🙂
Leah says
I totally agree with this. It actually drives me nuts to watch people do this. I don’t care what others have.
Lauren says
You’re ahead of the game Leah! It seems like so many people are hung up on having a life that looks like someone else’s, but the grass is greener where you water it!
magen says
Great tips. We started doing some of this a long time ago. It just got to expensive to live that kind of life.
Lauren says
Cheers to living within your means!
Jenn says
Yes, I totally agree with all of this. Yet number five is my hardest to give up. I am a horrible cook.
Lauren says
Eating out is still my hardest one! I’ve found that the crock pot is my best friend, I can plan ahead and budget without fear of burning anything 🙂
R U S S says
The most important thing that every adult should do ( kids should be taught early on as well ) is to spend within one’s means. In hindsight, with social media, all these information that flood us every day, it’s so easy to be tempted to do impulse purchases. But as long as you know what your priorities are and with a great deal of discipline, it shouldn’t be a problem. I, for one, do not bring cash and I have cut all my credit cards – makes my life less complicated.
Lauren says
Good for you, that’s impressive! I still carry my cards with me, but more as a reminder of what I’m working towards than because I need to 🙂
Censie Sawyer says
I need reminders like this every so often in all areas of my life. Sometimes I compare myself to friends and other family. NOT HEALTHY!! Also I find myself trying to keep up with Joneses in the blogging world too. Again, these tips are really helpful to me. Helps me get centered.
Lauren says
Thanks Censie! I struggle with comparing myself to other bloggers sometimes too, but it really does help to remember that everyone is on their own journey with their own struggles that no one sees on social media. It makes me feel like these are all real people, not just numbers of followers!
Dada says
I am soo happy I am not one of them! I do use social media a lot but belive me I dont like shopping! I dont like to wear a pair of shoes that cost more than my rent. But I am a travelholic so most of our money has been spent on our many long term travels. We have been able to save for my third (my husband forth) round the world trip…and this time we have our little daughter with us. Especially my working husband is sooo happy to spend more time with her.
Lauren says
That’s incredible, congrats on that achievement! I’m a firm believer in spending your hard-earned money on experiences versus stuff – enjoy your trip!!!
Rose says
I don’t want to keep up with the Joneses.. My teen however wants to. I have accepted that we all live differently. Some people are just better off then I am. It is what it is.
Nellwyn says
This is such an important message, particularly in the age of social media when everyone else’s life looks so perfect from the outside. Focusing on my career and finding happiness in the little moments of every day life really helps me to stop comparing myself to others.
Amber Myers says
I used to compare myself to others. Then I realized I was driving myself nuts and stopped. I accepted that I am who I am and I’m fine with it now.
Cyn Gagen says
These are some really great tips and some really important lessons to learn. I’m so happy that my daughter is able to differentiate between needs and wants and to budget accordingly. So many others around her age (a few years out of university) are already in debt and talk of “Oh I NEED that” but they’re talking about a new purse or new pair of shoes when they already own more than they need.
Elinor Hill says
Such great points raised. We paired back so much of our old life before living by the sea. It’s simpler but fuller.
Michelle says
This is great information. Its a concept being lost on our society in today’s age. I am frugal and I don’t feel that I have less, I despise paying interest. Its like giving away free money.
Tasheena says
I think I broke the cycle with trying to keep up with the “Jones’s” learning to stay true to myself and also what works for me.
Akamatra says
No I am not keeping up with the Joneses. I have a very happy life with a great husband and a baby and social media, money or whatever else people seem to want these days is irrelevant for me!
Chelf says
I agree, it’s in our nature to compare ourselves with others but there’s always gonna be someone with more money/fame/social status/whatever. Being inspired is one thing. Being unhappy because we cannot get there is another..
Evelyn says
I agree with this 100%. Better to focus on your own good than to perpetually look at the grass that appears greener on the other side of the fence. When you get closer, you just might realize it’s not what it appears to be.
Aine says
Such great tips – very poor for getting taxis and eating out willy nilly and then wondering where my money has gone. Definitely need to look at spending more closely
Kiwi says
Social media has became the new Joneses. We are always scrolling and seeing whate evertyone else is doing or doing things so that we can overshare and post to show the world what we are doing. Sometimes it is okay and even smart to not share every detail of our lives on social. We also dont not have to do things just to prove we can do it and brag online either.
Evelyn says
Thanks for the great tips on practical matters that affect us all (Well, maybe not the Kardasians, right ;-). I love the quotes in between and the detailed plan of how to get in sync with the flow of life.
Amanda Schreiber says
Ah this post speaks to my heart! It’s so true, I see everyone around me with the newest iPhone or a brand new car and I want it all, but I remind myself that I won’t want the debt and chances are they are not liking it either!
Crystal Marie says
Great points. Everyone is always trying to impress someone. Sometimes it’s not all about the “stuff.”
Aileen Adalid says
This is such an insightful post and I’m so glad you wrote about it! I get drawn to this kind of feeling sometimes but it’s easy to wriggle out of it when I just mind my own thing. It’s all about perspective and these tips will surely help others!
Moipone says
Lol amazing tips and so very true. What happened to simple life? Everything is about social media and it is exhausting. Awesome post 😊
Louisa says
So glad I read this post because it serves as a reminder of where I was and where I am. Sometimes it’s easier to stick to the “norm” but quitting the joneses and doing what brings you joy is the way to go. Great points, amazing post!
Louisa says
So glad I read this post because it serves as a reminder of where I was and where I am. Sometimes it’s easier to stick to the “norm” but quitting the joneses and doing what brings you joy is the way to go. Great points, amazing post! Thank you.
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Louisa,
Isn’t it nice to think about how far you’ve come with your spending? I feel the same way. This post was a nice walk down memory lane for me as well. It’s been a long time since I’ve given up even trying to keep up with “those people.” There’s so much freedom and joy as you say in just living your life, the life you can afford to live!
Agreed – Lauren did an amazing job on this one!
Amy Dong says
I’m loving your very down to earth, practical, and yes – doable – tips! We’ve long said goodbye to cable. Believe it or not…we truly don’t even think about it (and that’s with 3 boys, 2 of which are teens.) The kids know we “could” do more traveling and “could” get this or that material/service thing… but we just choose to use our budget in a different way instead. Hoping it’s helping to shape how they will wisely budget in their future as well. Thanks for these awesome tips!
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Amy,
Agreed, Lauren has such easy to follow and practical tips for us. It’s as if you have no more excuses BUT to start being better with your spending.
That’s great! I feel like kids are almost grown up in an age where cable isn’t a thing or even TV-time. Entertainment is so portable nowadays. I’m sure they’re paying attention and learning from your wise spending. Personally, some of my best memories of my childhood weren’t big, extravagant adventures, but the simple road trips or things at home.
Sneha says
The worst thing we can do is compare ourselves with others.. thanks for sharing this post 🙂
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Sneha,
I soo agree! Comparison is the root of all unhappiness as they say. And whoever, they are, they’re so right!
Angel Strunk - Next Level Blogging says
In the last few years, I have stopped using credit to get the things I want. It was the best financial decision I ever made.
It takes some getting used to, but it cuts out a ton of impulsive spending. With big-ticket items, I now take time to really find the best value for my money. I love telling the Jone’s about my bargain-finds, and a few of my friends are now following in my footsteps!
Great advice, Nadalie!
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Angel,
Wow, congrats on walking away from using credit! It’s so easy to get caught up in buying things you want with credit cards. I’d love to make this switch one day, but I’m all about collecting rewards points for free travel and use my credit cards, like debit cards.
That’s incredible that you’re even changing the culture of how your friends spend too. =) You’re amazing!
Ronnie says
When social media was very new, I started noticing that what we were seeing wasn’t reality. I saw friends with clinical depression who looked like they were having the best life on social media, and unhappy couples trying to prove how happy they are. Your article hit at home because even back then, I decided to take a step toward a different direction and work on having financial stability and off-screen happiness vs starting to show something different.
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Ronnie,
That’s the truth right there. Social media is so deceiving. Even if I think about what I post and what I don’t, I can create the reality I want others to see. I’d love to read that article. Personally, I’ve decided that I’m happy with myself and I’m not going to spend ages “admiring” other people lives. I’m too busy “building” my own.
Great response! I love the idea of “off-screen happiness.” =)
lavandaMichelle says
Once you learn to love yourself and live the day as a blessing. These outer things were no longer important. i love all your tips and this post is an eyeopener!!!
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Lavandra,
There is such truth in that. I so agree, when you love you, it’s not about what you lack, it’s about what you have. And we are all so blessed if we have eyes to see and appreciate it.
Rosey says
I can definitely see myself going on that too-expensive trip years ago, just because I got an invite. That wouldn’t happen today. I definitely have a new financial mindset.
Nadalie Bardo says
Hey Rosey,
I’ve so been there! You get excited, you want to go and you so don’t want to be the one who says, “I can’t afford it” either. Agreed, my money mindset has also matured. Here’s to making wiser choices with our money.