How to stop feeling jealous in a relationship?
Need help overcoming jealousy in a friendship?
Jealousy is a complex emotion to navigate. Not only is it hard for the person feeling it, but over time, jealousy can begin to destroy relationships or even friendships. Often jealousy is visible on the surface, but it leads to a much deeper and unresolved issue.
Jealousy is a well-known term. If you asked someone if they knew what it was to be jealous, there is a pretty high likelihood that they would say yes. Almost everyone has felt a pang of jealousy at some point in their life.
A small amount of jealousy can be a healthy thing. It’s natural to feel it for a short time. But what do you do when your jealousy isn’t a passing feeling? When being jealous becomes a constant emotion you feel, it can take its toll and ruin your relationships.
Overcoming jealousy in relationships can seem like a challenge. But it isn’t impossible to do. Although it likely won’t be an easy journey, discovering the root cause of jealousy and working through your issues can be a great place to start.
Why Am I So Insecure and Jealous?
The first step in overcoming jealousy and envy is to look internally at yourself.
Jealousy is often the surface-level emotion of a much deeper feeling. There are a lot of underlying reasons a person may feel jealous in their relationship.
Is Jealousy a Sign of Low Self-Esteem?
For many people, low self-esteem may be a root cause of jealousy. When you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s easy to feel envious of others. This is most commonly seen in relationships, but it can also affect friendships.
Jealousy in a relationship is most often an indication of a partner not feeling confident in who they are or how they look. Because of their low view of themselves, they think their partner may be attracted to someone seemingly better than them.
Even if there is stability within the relationship and plans for the future, such as house hunting or searching for joint auto insurance for unmarried couples, low self-esteem can still cause a person to feel uncertain about their partner’s feelings for them. Someone feeling jealous will see any outsider to their relationship as a threat.
Much the same, jealousy can create problems in friendships if the root cause is low self-esteem. For example, someone dealing with low self-esteem may feel envious of their friends’ accomplishments rather than proud and happy for them.
It may seem challenging to figure out how to stop feeling jealous of friends, but it’s essential to understand that the root cause of that jealousy begins within. You’re not jealous of what your friend earned or received. Instead, you feel unhappy with your current situation.
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Is Jealousy a Sign of Insecurity?
Jealousy can also stem from feeling insecure. Insecurity is not to be confused with low self-esteem, though the two might seem similar. Someone who is insecure may feel this way from past experiences.
Perhaps you spent too long in a relationship where your partner was repeatedly unfaithful to you. Now, even though your current partner has done nothing wrong, you still feel incredibly insecure because of past experiences.
You already have an existing lack of trust. Although it may be no fault of your current partner, those feelings might still rise up and come through as jealousy.
Jealousy in Romantic Relationships
For example, if someone attractive is talking to your partner, or you hear their phone go off late at night, you may feel those insecurities bubbling to the surface. And they will often show themselves in the form of jealousy.
Feeling jealous in a relationship shouldn’t be confused or mistaken for love. Although on some small occasions, a tiny twinge of jealousy is usual and nothing to worry about.
Perhaps you see someone blatantly flirting with your partner. For a moment, you might feel a pang of the green-eyed monster. But, in a healthy relationship, that feeling should fade extremely quickly and be replaced with the knowledge that your partner would not cheat on you.
If that feeling remains longer, and a stranger’s unknowing actions are enough to cause a serious problem between you and your partner, that isn’t love. That is a much deeper problem of feeling insecure in your relationship.
It can be challenging to work through these emotions. Even though you may desperately want to learn how to stop being a jealous girlfriend or boyfriend, it isn’t always so simple when those feelings are deeply rooted.
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Why Do I Get Jealous so Easily?
Jealousy can come on quickly and sometimes without warning. You may not want to feel jealous of the person having a conversation with your partner, but you just can’t seem to help it. The instant you see them laugh or enjoy themselves with someone else, you feel threatened.
Feeling a threat to your relationship can cause jealousy to bubble to the surface in the blink of an eye. It might come on so quickly that even you are left wondering to yourself, “Why am I so jealous and insecure?” Your brain hardly has time to process the emotions you’re feeling.
Can a Relationship Survive Jealousy?
Jealousy can turn a strong relationship weak very quickly. Often, someone who is jealous will become possessive of their partner. Rather than giving your partner a little space, the instinct will be to hold on even tighter because you fear that if you don’t, you will lose them forever.
It is likely the exact opposite, however. The harder you pull for your partner to stay close, the more you end up driving them away. Your behavior may become too much for them and create a wedge in the relationship you can’t remove.
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How does Jealousy Affect a Relationship?
Overcoming jealousy and possessiveness is the only real way for the relationship to survive. If the behavior doesn’t change, you will more than likely lose your partner.
The same can be said for friendships. A friend can tell when you are not genuinely happy for them or act jealous of something they have. Some may hide it well, but jealousy is a fairly easy emotion to notice.
Many people likely won’t want to be friends with someone who is never happy for them and does not take pride in them doing well. This, to most people, isn’t a real friend. Acting this way can very likely ruin a friendship just as much as it can ruin a relationship.
Although determining how to deal with jealousy with friends can seem impossible, you will have to decide whether you value your friendship enough to work through your feelings and figure out what is causing them.
Moving forward from jealousy is the only true way to ensure that your relationship and friendships survive. Otherwise, you may risk losing the people you love the most.
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How do I Stop being so Insecure and Jealous?
Figuring out how to stop feeling jealous may seem impossible. These feelings are deeply rooted, and even when you don’t want to feel them, you just can’t help yourself. Jealousy doesn’t have to be a life sentence, however. If you’re going to work through your feelings and desire to improve, you can take steps.
#1. Be Honest With Yourself and Those Around You
Being accused of jealousy can sting because most people know deep down it isn’t good to feel that way. But the first step to working through jealousy is to be honest about it.
This doesn’t just end with admitting to yourself that you’re feeling jealous. You have to have an open and honest conversation with your partner or your friends as well. Good communication is key to any relationship, and admitting your feelings opens the door to an honest discussion.
#2. Look Deep Within Yourself
To truly work through jealousy, you’re going to have to do a little soul searching. Admitting you feel jealous is only the first step. How to overcome jealousy in life is by looking internally to find the root of your feelings.
You may have had someone who broke your trust to the point where you felt it was unrepairable, leaving you feeling insecure. Or you may have been put down repeatedly by someone, resulting in low self-esteem. There are countless reasons someone feels jealous to such an extent, and the only person who will be able to discover that reason is you.
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Options like speaking to a therapist, journaling, or even meditation are all great ways to look internally to discover what is sitting at the root of your jealous feelings. You may even find other options that work for you. The possibilities are endless.
But the end goal is the same in all: Discover the source of your jealousy and learn to work through it.
#3. Build Up Your Self-Confidence
Self-confidence is not always easy to come by. But figuring out how to deal with romantic jealousy starts with loving yourself and learning to be confident in who you are. There may always be someone you believe is prettier than you, more intelligent than you, almost anything more than you. But it’s important to remember they will never be you.
Finding a hobby or something you enjoy or working towards a goal you might have are great ways to begin building confidence. Give yourself something to be good at and be proud of. You may not be perfect overnight, but sticking with something that makes you feel good will work wonders on building your self-confidence.
You can also talk yourself up. It may be something that is viewed as comical but having a good conversation with yourself about all your good qualities can have a big impact. You can make it a routine and build it into a habit. Continually talk to yourself with love and positivity. It will work wonders.
Without self-confidence, jealousy will continue to run rampant in your life. You likely won’t be able to figure out how to stop feeling jealous if you don’t begin working on self-love.
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Working Through Jealousy in Relationships and Friendships
Jealousy can be challenging to overcome in any relationship or friendship. You have to be careful and work to overcome it.
The process of learning how not to feel jealous begins with you. Through the proper channels of communication, self-love, and honesty, it is possible to overcome jealousy before it pushes away the people you love.
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Sign up below for your 10 FREE Confidence Quotes + It won’t be easy, and it surely won’t happen overnight. But with effort and dedication, you can work through jealousy and create stronger, healthier relationships.
How do you stop feeling jealous in relationships and friendships?
More About Guest Contributor
Alexandra Arcand writes and researches for the car insurance education and free quote-generating site, CarInsuranceComparison.com. She is passionate about helping others in everything from finding the best car insurance to working through tough emotions such as jealousy.
Last Updated on October 18, 2021
