How do you stop being jealous of others’ success?
Can you stop resenting another person’s success and feeling so insecure?It's okay that you're feeling jealous of another's success. Social media makes it easy to feel envious. Click here for how to stop being jealous and insecure. #MentalHealth #Jealousy #EmotionalHealthClick To Tweet
You are not alone!
You see your friend’s photos holidaying in some exotic location, you may feel sad.
Maybe you come across the monthly income report of another blogger who started around the same time as you, you may feel anger.
You see your neighbor driving a new shiny car, you may feel resentment.
All these negative feelings of sadness, anger, and resentment in the above situations are a part of one emotion-jealousy.
Jealousy is natural, like any other emotion. All of us have experienced feelings of jealousy in our lives!
We feel jealous when someone we know achieves a big milestone in their career and personal life. We end up feeling jealous of others when they get something we want but don’t have yet.
I want you to know that it’s totally okay to feel jealous sometimes! However, problems arise when you don’t address your feelings in the right way.
Learning to deal with jealousy in a healthy way is crucial for your personal development. By gaining a new perspective, you will be able to better manage your negative feelings of jealousy!
Why Do I Feel Jealous?
There can be several causes that lead to feelings of jealousy and envy in a person. Before we get to that, I want to reiterate that we all feel jealous from time to time, it’s part of human nature! I totally hear you!
While it may not be possible to completely get rid of jealousy, you need to make sure that you are taking the right steps to manage the negative feelings of jealousy in a healthy way.
Remember: You’re not alone in feeling like this and you really don’t have to feel embarrassed about it!
With the help of a few strategies, you can prevent feelings of jealousy to get the best of you.
Now let’s get to the question, what causes jealousy?
#1. Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem is one of the major reasons why you feel resentment when someone else achieves something substantial.
When you don’t believe in yourself and your abilities, you are more likely to be jealous of others’ success. You feel envious because you think you are less than someone else.
You end up doubting yourself and assuming that you don’t have what it takes to be successful. You may say to yourself…
“You’re so slow!”
“You can never be as good as them”
“You’re less good than…”
Your inner critic nags you and makes you feel bad about yourself. Other people’s success becomes a way of criticizing yourself.
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#2. Unfair Comparison
Due to the presence of social media, we are now more connected than ever! Although social media helps us to share our lives’ most beautiful and happy moments with others, it comes with a downside…
More often than not, we end up feeling resentful toward other people’s achievements than being happy for them! Most of us have feelings of jealousy when we scroll through social media.
We feel envious of other people’s success because we feel like we are not measuring up. We tend to forget that just because someone’s life appears perfect from the outside, doesn’t mean it is actually so…
#3. Seeking Validation
The habit of constantly seeking validation from others can also lead to feelings of envy. When you see other someone receiving praise, accolades, and recognition from others, you feel envious and crave that kind of attention.
You want to be liked and valued by other people. You feel like you have to prove to other people that you are worthy and deserving of success.
#4. Focusing on Unfairness
Feelings of envy can also develop when you believe that the other person doesn’t deserve the success they have achieved. You feel like they had an unfair advantage and they had more things going in their favor.
You think that they achieved success because they have more resources and are well-connected with influential people that allows them to get more things done.
You think you don’t have the luck or the resources to achieve the kind of success the other person has, and that’s why you are falling behind in life.
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Now that you know what leads to feelings of jealousy, you must be wondering how to stop being jealous!
Here are a few tips for you!
How Do You Stop Yourself from Being Jealous?
In order to prevent yourself from getting affected by the feelings of envy, you need to learn to address your feelings, instead of suppressing them.
Be aware of your emotions and admit when you feel envious of other people’s success.
More often than not, when something triggers feelings of envy within us, we unknowingly end up in a vicious cycle of negative thinking as we start criticizing ourselves, resenting the other person, feeling anger and shame toward ourselves, and even wishing they would fail.
All these can happen without you even realizing it!
Unless you actively work on acknowledging your feelings when you envy someone’s success and channelizing your thoughts and energy to do something productive, you will not be able to achieve your goals and live a fulfilling life.
When you acknowledge the feelings of jealousy, you can direct your thoughts to something positive and avoid being critical of yourself, and dwell on negative feelings.
This can be done in various ways such as:
#1. Turn Jealousy Into Inspiration
Everyone is on a journey to success, just like you. They also face challenges and difficult situations in their journey, just you do.
So, don’t be jealous! Empathize with them and be happy for them. Learn about how they achieved their goals instead of envying them for their success.
If possible, try to meet them and talk about what approaches did they use to achieve their goals, how did they overcome the challenges in their journey, and what helped them to stay motivated.
The insights you learn from them can be immensely valuable in your own journey. Instead of seeing the other person as a competitor and having negative feelings about them, embrace a learning attitude and build a positive connection with them!
#2. Practice Positive Self-Talk
Believing in yourself, having a positive attitude, and treating yourself with love and kindness will help you achieve your goals, rather than constantly criticizing yourself and engaging in negative self-talk.
Jealousy leads to your own self-destruction. Criticizing yourself and hating the other person for their achievements is only going to hurt you.
Jealousy prevents you from empathizing with others.
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When you are envious of other people’s success, you feel worthless. Being envious causes you to justify your shortcomings and your negative emotions.
However, positive self-talk enables you to learn from your mistakes and move ahead in your journey, instead of dwelling on negative emotions.
#3. Remember that Success is Not a Finite Resource
There’s enough to go around. Just because someone else has achieved something you want, doesn’t mean you are a failure!
You can achieve your goals too, and be everything you want to. You need to adopt an abundance mindset. Believe that there are enough opportunities for you to live a satisfying life.
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#4. Look Beyond the Highlights, There’s a lot of Struggle Behind the Success
When you’re jealous of other people’s success, you are not considering the efforts they put in their journey.
You are not seeing the whole picture. You are only focusing on the end results while ignoring all the failed attempts and struggles they had to go through to reach success.
When you envy someone for their success, you usually don’t consider their past mistakes and failures. You don’t how long they have been working on their goals. Your journeys are different and you may be at a different stage in your journey than them.
How Do You Cure Jealously? What to Do Instead?
#1. Be Grateful for the Things You Have
You need to appreciate yourself and be happy with what you already have. Unless you are grateful for what you have already, you can never be happy and satisfied with anything you achieve in your life.
You will always be discontent and envious of other people who have more things than you. And of course, there will always be someone who has more things than you.
Improving yourself is certainly important but you must also appreciate what you have achieved until now and how far you have come in your life. Chasing after more money and material things isn’t going to guarantee you happiness.
To learn how to stop being jealous and insecure, you need to be happy with what you have! Don’t think that only getting what the other person has will make you happy.
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#2. Let Go of Worrying About Things that Are Out of Your Control
You may think that the other person achieved success because they have more advantages in life. You think it’s unfair. Maybe it is and yes, some people are more fortunate than others, but there are many more factors at play.
You also need to consider the cases where people with very limited resources have been able to achieve massive success. There are many things in our lives that are out of our control, and many things will seem unfair but that shouldn’t stop you from moving ahead, and reaching your goals.
You can achieve all your goals, irrespective of whether you have certain advantages or not. You have plenty of opportunities to be successful. You just need to be open to such opportunities!
#3. Focus on Yourself
Bring your attention to your goals and see how you can try new approaches if you’re not currently happy with where you are right now. Have a learning attitude. Instead of focusing on others, focus on improving yourself!
Just because you are not where you want to be yet, that doesn’t mean that you can’t achieve your goals. Shift your focus from the lack and work towards being the best version of yourself.
When you actively take steps each day to reach your goals, you won’t worry so much about what other people are doing.
Have faith in your abilities and truly believe that you will achieve your goals! Having complete trust in yourself will help you to stay on track and not get affected by any obstacles in your way because you know you will make it!
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#4. Celebrate Your Achievements
By acknowledging your progress and celebrating even the small wins, you tell yourself that you deserve success.
This allows you to feel more confident and you stay focused on the big goals in your life. You don’t feel threatened by other people’s success because you know you’re doing your best.
#5. Be Genuinely Happy for Other People
Being happy for other people and celebrating other people’s success is crucial for living a fulfilling life. Be genuinely happy for other people, instead of resenting them or feeling threatened by their success.
Feeling jealous and tearing someone down will not make you any happier. It will only lead to more frustration, anger, and resentment. However, when you are genuinely happy for other people, you will have a high sense of worth and find peace of mind.
#6. Change the Way You Use Social Media
Social media is an amazing tool if you use it in the right way and for the right reasons. Connect with people who inspire you. You can find many motivational contents and ideas on social media that help you move ahead in your personal development journey.
Making changes in the way you use social media can add more value to your life. Remind yourself that people do not post their happiest moments on social media to make you feel bad. They are celebrating their best moments and you should too!
However, if you still feel that the posts of certain individuals are making you feel bad about yourself, then you can unfollow them or mute their posts.
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Limit interaction with people who have a negative attitude and always tend to criticize other people. You also need to avoid people who put a lot of focus on achieving material things.
Take pleasure in little things!
Life is so much more than worrying about what car your neighbor has!
How Do I Stop Being So Insecure?
Jealousy is a sign of insecurity. Without a strong sense of self, you are more likely to feel inferior to people you compare yourself to.
Your insecurities can make you feel like you are never good enough, no matter what you do. Insecurity prevents you from feeling empowered and happy with who you are.
Find your sense of security from within.
Feel comfortable with yourself and in your own skin. Without a strong sense of yourself, you will always look for validation from other people. When people praise you, you feel happy. When you receive criticism, you end up feeling worthless.
As a result, you will always stay dependent on other people to derive a sense of worth. Have faith in yourself and find your sense of security from within. A strong sense of self allows you to feel more confident in yourself!
When you have self-confidence, you don’t doubt yourself and your abilities. So, the first thing to do is to know yourself better and find your superpowers!
Find Your Superpower
Get ready to unleash your true potential! Here is a list of 20 strategies that help you find your superpowers by establishing a connection with yourself and reclaiming your strengths.
Your thoughts determine your actions and the action that you take each day plays a huge role in the way your life turns out. Reading positive quotes every day can help you stay motivated while you work towards achieving your goals.
Get your daily dose of encouragement by downloading FREE printable quotes and affirmations.
Overcoming jealousy is a process. Be patient with yourself and take little steps every day that brings you closer towards your goal of overcoming jealousy.
Focus on your journey and celebrate all your achievements, no matter how small they might seem. Feel inspired by other people’s success and embrace positive thinking. Remember, there are enough success and happiness to go around!
How do you stop being so jealous of others?
More About Guest Contributor
Tamara Pflug is a life coach & personal development expert, she’s the owner of the Personal Development Zone. She’s passionate about helping millennials (like her!) reach their full potential and become more self-confident. Through her blog and podcast, you can learn how to bring your hidden confidence out and start living the life you want to live!
Last Updated on November 3, 2020