Spending Thanksgiving Alone: 7 Ways to Make It Feel Good

Spending Thanksgiving alone this year? Or maybe you’re not alone yet, but just thinking about that dinner table gives you a sinking, sick feeling in your stomach?

Spending Thanksgiving alone can actually be a healthy, meaningful choice. When your family is a source of stress or old hurt, you’re allowed to skip the meal, build your own chosen family, and fill the day with people and plans that feel good.

Maybe you’ve fallen out with your family. Maybe you haven’t, but you don’t have the stomach for a whole meal with them, in a house full of memories you’d rather not relive. And maybe, if you’re honest, you’re a little grateful you don’t have to talk to them this year.

Yeah. I can relate. I can totally feel that.

I’m Nadalie Bardo, author of Conquer Procrastination and coach to a community of thousands who believe your life gets better when you get intentional about it, holidays included. So let’s talk about why this day hits so hard, and seven ways to make spending Thanksgiving alone feel like something you chose.

Quick note: I’m sharing what I believe and what’s helped me, not professional advice. If the holidays bring up depression or thoughts you can’t shake, please talk to a doctor or a licensed therapist.

Why Spending Thanksgiving Alone Can Feel So Heavy

Thanksgiving is sold as the day everyone goes home. The commercials, the group chats, the “what are your plans?” from coworkers. When your plans don’t involve a big family table, it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one.

You’re Not the Only One

Not even close. In ValuePenguin’s 2023 holiday loneliness survey of 2,002 U.S. adults, 61% expected to feel sad or lonely during the holidays, and 37% said they’d skip the holidays altogether if they could. Among the people expecting to feel sad or lonely, 22% pointed to poor relationships with family.

Family Dynamics Are a Top Stressor

The American Psychiatric Association’s 2024 holiday stress poll found that 35% of adults are stressed about challenging family dynamics, and 47% about grieving a loss or missing a loved one. So if the holiday blues show up for you, nothing is wrong with you. You’re having a very human reaction to a very loaded day.

If the whole season tends to wear you down, my holiday mental health tips go deeper on getting through December, too.

7 Ways to Make Spending Thanksgiving Alone Feel Good

These aren’t rules. Pick the one or two that feel right for where you are this year.

#1. Give Yourself Permission to Skip It

You don’t owe anyone a seat at a table that makes you feel sick. If a house holds traumatic memories, or a family member treats every holiday like a chance to pick at you, staying home is a healthy boundary.

Decide before anyone asks. Then keep your answer short and kind: “I won’t be coming this year, but I hope you have a nice day.” You don’t need a speech. If you want help finding the words, here’s how to say no without the guilt, and how healthy boundaries with family actually work in practice.

#2. Build Your Own Chosen Family

This is my biggest take, so I’ll say it plainly. If your biological family is a source of trauma, make your own family of friends.

“We don’t choose our family, but we can build one.” I believe that with my whole chest. Your chosen family is the people who make you feel safe, seen and like yourself. Maybe that’s two friends. Maybe it’s a coworker, a neighbor and your best friend’s mom.

Find the people you connect with, then invest in them on purpose. Text them this week. Ask what they’re doing on Thanksgiving. You might find you’re not the only one without a plan.

#3. Host a Friendsgiving (or Say Yes to One)

Once you know who your people are, give them a reason to gather. A Friendsgiving doesn’t need a turkey or matching plates. It needs a time, a place and a few people who like each other.

Make it potluck so nobody is stuck cooking all day. Order takeout if that’s easier. And if someone else is already hosting, say yes to the invite, even if you’d usually talk yourself out of it.

#4. It’s Okay If Your Circle Is Small

And if you don’t have very many friends right now? That’s okay. Like, seriously. A small circle is still a starting point.

Use this season to plant the seeds for next year. Join a class, a run club or a faith community. Say yes to coffee. These ways to make new friends work at any age, even if you’re starting from zero.

#5. Volunteer at a Food Kitchen or Food Pantry

If you’d rather not sit at home, add meaning to the day by giving some of it away. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, a food pantry or a community meal. You get to raise the energy in a room, and you’re surrounded by people instead of your own thoughts.

There’s research behind this, too. A 2018 volunteering and loneliness study in the Journal of Gerontology followed 5,882 older adults and found that recently widowed people who started volunteering two or more hours a week reported less loneliness, close to the levels of married volunteers.

Start with Feeding America’s food bank finder, and book early, because Thanksgiving shifts fill up fast. For more ideas, here are 25 ways to give back locally.

#6. Plan a Day You’d Actually Enjoy

Spending Thanksgiving alone doesn’t mean sitting in the dark scrolling everyone else’s family photos. Plan your day like it’s a date with yourself.

Cook the one dish you actually love, or order it. Take a long walk while the streets are quiet. Watch the movie nobody else would agree to.

Mute the group chats if they make you feel worse. If being on your own is hard for you in general, this guide on being happy alone is a good next read.

#7. Be Grateful for the Peace

Let’s be real. Sometimes the thing you’re most thankful for is the quiet. No tense small talk, no old arguments, no bracing yourself at the door.

That counts as gratitude. So does appreciating the friend who checked on you, or your own strength in choosing what’s healthy. Name what you’re grateful for, even if it’s small. These Thanksgiving gratitude activities work just as well for one person as for twenty.

When to Reach Out for Support

Feeling sad on a holiday is normal. Feeling hopeless for days, or having thoughts of hurting yourself, is a sign to reach out now, not after the long weekend.

In the U.S., you can call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline any time, including on Thanksgiving. In Canada, you can also call or text 988. And if the holidays are hard every single year, a licensed therapist can help you work through the family stuff underneath it.

Want somewhere to put all of this? Get your FREE Printable Gratitude Journal, with 30 days of simple prompts to help you notice what’s good, even on a holiday that feels complicated.

Sign up below for your FREE 30-Day Gratitude Journal + get weekly tips to help you slay your goals.

Make This Thanksgiving Yours

Spending Thanksgiving alone isn’t a sign that something’s wrong with you. Sometimes it’s the healthiest choice on the table.

Pick one thing from this list today. Text a friend about a Friendsgiving, or sign up for a shift at a food pantry.

Or just plan the meal you want and give yourself permission to enjoy it. You don’t need the perfect plan, just a kinder one.

We don’t choose our family, but we can build one. Start building yours.

Want to keep going? Read about being alone versus feeling lonely, then check out what to do when you feel like you have no friends.

It’s all you, boo.

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